Top 5 Reasons the World Won't End in 2012

The end of the world is a huge thing these days.  With the approach of December 21, 2012, everyone is all about the end of the world--because, apparently, the fact that the Mayan calender finally ends on the winter solstice of 2012 means that the world will, too.  Never mind the fact that the Mayan calender, like everything--yes, even the world--has to end at some point; from what I've seen of it, on the History Channel's Apocalypse Week (which, admittedly, is my favorite week to watch History), the calender does have edges.

But, honestly, people.  The world is not coming to an end.  At least, not yet.

Here's why:

1) Unrest in Libya.  As long as the Middle East is in chaos, the world will continue to spin.  It's when things start resolving, when Israelis and Palestinians sit down in a room together and agree on a sensible two-state solution, when Iraq and Afghanistan enjoy stable governments, free elections, and peaceful streets, that's when it's time to start worrying.  Because, like when my grandfather, who said his whole life that he wouldn't be caught dead in a foreign car, bought a Maserati, peace in the Middle East would be scary.

2) Y2K.  I can't be the only person who remembers what a stink people made about Jan. 1, 2000, how thousands of people in the US spent weeks stocking up on canned goods and toilet paper in December of 1999.  Computers were going to crash (for a reason I never did understand, something about the abbreviation of 2000 being '00).  Jesus was going to return (because of that whole 2000-years-between-creation-and-David-and-Jesus-and-now thing).  The fabric of humanity was going to be torn apart, and the world would dissolve into darkness and chaos.  And what happened on midnight of Jan. 1, 2000?  The ball in Times Square dropped.  Fireworks exploded.  People popped champagne and kissed their sweethearts and sang "Auld Lang Syne"--at least the people not holed up in concrete bunkers, and maybe they did, too, because the world conspicuously did not end.

3) The business of uncertainty.  The world wouldn't dare take away the lucrative potential of end-of-days movies.  If it did, it would probably find itself slapped with a lawsuit.

4) Human nature.  People have been predicting the end of the world since the beginning of time.

5) The nature of extinction.  Species have been disappearing from the Earth for a long time, and that's a fact regardless of whether or not you think that this world existed for billions of years before Homo sapien appeared onstage.  The end of humanity does not necessarily mean the end of the world.  And humans are nothing if not adaptable, so I can't help but think that the end of the world doesn't necessarily mean the end of humanity.  By the time the world ends, we'll probably be living on Mars, or at least on spaceships.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Armageddon is back on.